make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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