Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
