dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
