A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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