She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
