you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
