I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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