Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i dont even know how to be here
she told me i tasted like america
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
