right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
