im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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