so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
