singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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