My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
