now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
