i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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