my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
