Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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