I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
