Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
