I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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