I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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