Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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