I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
