I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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