I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I AM VODKA MAN
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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