his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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