how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
