She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
