you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
