The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
