You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
