So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
