I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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