Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
