I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it glows. i had to have it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He better not be in your backpack
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize