God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
