Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
