he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
