shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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