Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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