ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude i'm inner monologue high
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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