i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
