I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
