none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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