In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize