she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
