Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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