I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
