i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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