So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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