now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize