Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize