Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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