its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
