guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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