so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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