I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
