Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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