this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
