Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize