If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
