Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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