when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
